Can We Build From This?
by Dreams and Lullabies
Summary: Several years into marriage, Emma messes up, badly. Just as all they have built is collapsing around them things start to go wrong in Storybrooke, magic is going haywire and seems to be targeting them and the people they care about. With everything that is going on, can they rebuild their lives? SQ.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N So this story is set several years in the future of Storybrooke. I am going to be writing as if Neverland and Pan happened but Zelena did not, mostly because it helps me bypass Hook and Robin and also it means that I don't have to write baby Neal into the story because I do not have the energy for that. **

**It does start off a little sad for our leading ladies but then again when is anything easy? As always please please please let me know if you like it by following, reviewing etc. Enjoy! **

* * *

While Regina surveyed herself in the mirror, she was faced with a harsh reality. She was absolutely devastated. She looked the same as she always did, her posture strong and her chin tilted defiantly but she had changed too much to be able to fully commit to the image. The last few years had meant a lot of changes, at that moment she was not the Queen she was in the past and she could never be again. She was a loyal friend, a devoted mother and a loving wife. And she was in a lot of pain.

She gasps a fist clutching at her heart and the pain ripped through her chest. She had spent the morning clinging to the idea that she was overreacting and that it was not as bad as it seemed. After all Regina did have the tendency to be dramatic at times.

She was dressed for a day in the office, and knew that she had to leave within the next five minutes to make it on time. They had plans for today, she was taking a half day and Henry was coming home for the weekend, then they were spending the Monday together. Except it was unlikely any of that was going to happen now.

Then suddenly she heard a key in the lock, and before she could muster her pride she was running down the stairs. A taller figure ducked its way through the door, but it is not who she was expecting.

"Henry," She whispered and her stomach bottomed out, he was not meant to be here until the afternoon and he was certainly never meant to see her like this. "Why are you here?"

Despite the fact that Henry now towered over her, she was still an intimidating woman so he shuffled this feet nervously.

"I thought you would be at work already…why aren't you?" Henry asked, "I thought I'd beat traffic and have a nap while you and Ma were at work."

"You skipped class to miss traffic!" Regina burst out, hands on hips. "That is unacceptable behaviour Henry Daniel Swan-Mills."

Henry at least had the good grace to at least look ashamed of himself, so he looked at his shoes and mumbled an apology.

Regina sighed, "I do not have time right now but do not think you are off the hook young man."

"I know," He said, shouldering his bag, "how about I get you and Ma lunch at Granny's?" He grinned cheekily, because it had been well over a year since Henry had paid at Granny's. Apparently he had made a much better waiter than Ruby had when she was his age.

Regina realised that there was no way they could hide this from Henry, even if she somehow avoided lunch the second he walked into the kitchen her cover would be blown. She had made quite a mess the previous night. Besides the pain was just too fresh for her to ignore. The small smile had she had held in place while talking to Henry dropped and unbidden a small sob burst through her lips.

Henry immediately dropped his bag and enveloped his mother in a hug. His big stature dwarfed her, and before she could protest he was leading her into the kitchen, mumbling something about hot chocolate.

"Wait…Henry" She tried to say just before he could cross the threshold, but it was too late.

"Shit mom," Henry breathed as he took in the kitchen, "did you do this?"

Regina winced and nodded. She was always telling Henry had he had to learn constructive way to channel emotions but it was not something that she had ever managed to get the hang of herself. Thankfully, Henry never said anything merely stepped over the smashed plates and glasses in order to pull two of the remaining mugs from the cupboard and carefully began to make hot chocolate.

"So was it magic?" Henry asked after several moments of silence. All the judgement was gone from his voice, a few years of joined therapy had led to this. Magic was not something that Regina could ignore, it was built into her system, both an addiction and an integral part of her makeup. Not using it was equally, if not more dangerous, than using it. Over the last few years they had set up sanctions on magic use in the town and Regina was as strict as anyone when it comes to using them. There were times and places for taking the edge off of her magic build up and her kitchen was not the place. Still mistakes happened.

"Yes. It had been a while since I blew off steam and well…I lost my temper." Regina conceded,

"How are you feeling now" He asked, having experience first-hand what the over exerting herself with magic could do.

"I am exhausted and sore" She replied honestly, because her whole body was aching and her she felt emotionally raw "Give me a moment Henry, I will call the office and inform them that I will be working from home today."

She leaved the room and made the call. Her secretary did not complain, Regina was good enough at her job that she did not always have to go into the office and she did not have any meetings scheduled for that day. Once that was done, she took several deep breaths because this situation had spiralled out of control fasting than she would have thought possible. It was not Henry's job to be cleaning up their mess, she had thought she would have time to at least figure out how to tell Henry this.

She knew that he would start to worry if she were anyway for too long, so before she really has time to decide what she is going to say to him she is walking back into the kitchen, her face impassive.

"Mom you can drop the act, I know you're a mess." Henry said with a smile as he handed her the hot chocolate. She took it gratefully, breathing in the scent of cinnamon, despite the fact that it was not her favourite addition to drink, she was almost always given hot chocolate with it in it. It was just outside of Henry's comprehension that not everybody loved it as much as him and his mother.

"So are you going to tell me what happened or are you going to claim you just got tired of our crockery and kitchen appliances?" He laughed a little as he spoke, but it did not reach his eyes nor did Regina even crack a smile.

"Your mother and I had a fight." She said tightly, while she surveyed the damage of the room around her. The majority of the damage was situated at the opposite end of the room, because she had been stood almost exactly where she and Henry were now sitting. So her target at been at the other end of the room.

* * *

_"Regina, Christ will you just calm down!" Emma had screamed across the room, she ducked again as a plate smashed just above her head. Regina paid her no mind flicking a wrist that sent several glasses flying in Emma's direction. _

_"Why should I?" Regina had screeched back, the cupboard doors shaking as she tried to contain her anger. It had been too long since she had gotten some magic out of her system and she was paying for it now. She was very close to losing control. Her eyes flashed purple and tears had streamed down her face. She had been terrified, because it had been so long since she had felt so out of control and longer since being out of control had felt so good. _

_"Do you want me to calm down so you can justify your actions?" She shouted, sending the waffle-maker smashing against the wall, "tell me saviour, tell me how this links to you being the oh so pure hero!" _

_"No!" Emma had pleaded, her own face a matching picture of anguish, "no, I fucked up. I just need you to calm down." _

_"I will not calm down!" Behind her the toaster had blown up sending shards everywhere a few of them had landed in Regina's hair and she seemed to not notice. _

_"Please, 'Gina!" Emma stood opening her hands in a gesture of peace, "Please, I know that you hate me right now and you deserve too. But you are going to hurt yourself." _

_"So now you care about hurting me?" Regina had shouted but her voice was cracking as the anger was making way for the sorrow that had been threatening to overtake her since this whole incident had begun. _

_She raised her hands again, several more of the plates raised themselves into the air. Emma did not move but continued to appeal to Regina taking steps forward. _

_"Regina…you need to breathe." Emma had implored as Regina raised her hands further, but just before she sends the plates racing towards Emma her hands dropped. Causing the plates to crash around her as she fell to the ground, a deep and heart-wrenching sob overtaking her system. _

_Emma had raced to her without minding the debris that lay around the kitchen, but Regina had shook her head. _

_"Please," She had begged her voice breaking uncontrollably, "just go." _

_Emma had stood for several minutes watching Regina cry before she had eventually nodded and left the room. _

* * *

"Are you going to tell me what you were arguing about?" Henry asked as he watched his mother zone out, she shook her head. This was for her to figure out and she would not damage him by putting him in the middle.

"But it was a big fight?" He asked almost nervously, his mothers were known for bickering, part of what made them so great was the fact that they were always challenging one another. So small fights were nothing to talk about. She nodded, but chose not to elaborate.

"So do you want to go to Granny's for breakfast and we can clean in here later?" Henry asked, desperate to cheer her up a little and perhaps figure out what had gone on between his mothers.

"No." Regina snapped loudly, which caused Henry to jump. She took a deep breath "No, perhaps we can go for an ice cream or something instead."

"Sure," Henry said slowly, picking up the mugs and taking them to the sink, "but mom, you might want to fix your hair before we go anywhere."

Regina's hand flew to her hair and she felt how mussed it still was after her sleepless night. She agreed with Henry and told him to get his stuff out of the car as he was doing so.

He had just dumped his stuff in his room and made his way back to the kitchen to at least begin to tidy some of the mess when his phone began to ring.

His eyes widened when he saw the name on the ID and he answered without any hesitation.

"Kid, where are you?" Emma whispered frantically down the phone the second he picked up.

"Where am I?" Henry snapped, "I'm at home, where you should be!"

"Shit, I'm at your dorm room I thought I could surprise you and we could drive back to Storybrooke together." Henry took a deep breath, he had not had the chances he had with Regina to get to understand her but that did not mean Emma did not have issues of her own. Where Regina had a constant battle with magic and a blackened heart, Emma had issues with not running from problems. Obviously whatever had happened the night previous was a big problem, for both of them.

"Ma…" Henry began, but was cut off.

"I know, I know kid, I just fucked up okay? I'm on my way back now, look after your mom until I get there."

"Of course." Henry said before he hung up. He began to sweep up the beginning of the debris. His mom sure had made a mess of the place.

"So are you planning on telling me that your mother is on her way back or are you planning on just letting me found out when she is sitting on the doorstep?" The dry tones of Regina caused Henry to jump and swear, he ignored the glare from his mom at his use of language and chose to answer her question instead.

"I hadn't decided yet. It's always fun to see her on the doorstep." He smiled her but Regina was tight-lipped in return. It was almost a running joke in their household, every time Emma had done something wrong she would often wait on the doorstep for Regina to return from work, normally armed with flowers or other ways to woo her back. Not that she normally needed to woo Regina back, despite her frosty demeanour she was normally putty in Emma's hands.

"I don't think this can be solved by a kiss on the porch dear." Regina spoke softly as looked at Henry sadly. "I'm sorry."

Henry shrugged, his mother's argued a lot but they never said things like that. It was part of a decision they made many years ago, since both of them had extreme abandonment issues, they never threatened to leave each other no matter how bad it got. If his mom was saying things like that it meant it was bad. Worse than it had ever been before. Just as Regina did not like to show her weakness in front of Henry, he did not want to show her how much this upset him it would destroy her to cause him any pain.

"Hen," Regina reached up to ruffle his hair, "you know that no matter what happens between the two of us. It in no way lessens out affections for you?"

"I know," He replied giving her a reassuring smile, "I was just looking forward to spending a relaxing weekend with you."

"I know," Regina replied, "tell you what it will take the idiot a couple of hours to get here. Why don't we go get breakfast by the docks and I will quiz you about your love life, grades and berate you for skipping your classes."

"You know if you are splitting up, I don't think you can call her the idiot, it's rude." Regina glared at him, thunder in her eyes. "Okay, okay I'm sorry. Sounds like a deal."

* * *

Despite the circumstances they actually managed to have a pretty good morning together. Regina quizzed him good-humouredly but incessantly about his life at college. What he ate, when he slept, what his roommate was like, and most importantly what his love life was like. He tried to dodge those questions and laughed when his mom pointed out that he was acting very suspicious. She had almost forced him into a barber's chair to get his hair coat when his phone buzzed in his pocket announcing Emma's return.

Regina had instantly gone silent and he had been unable to get another word out of her the whole way home. She had even allowed him to drive which had never happened before.

The drive back was perhaps the longest of Henry's life, which was saying something as they often walked to the docks during lazy weekends so it took less than five minutes to drive. Never before had he seen his mom so pale, she was actually nibbling at her bottom lip a habit that she absolutely abhorred.

Just as he expected Emma was sitting on the front steps when they pulled up. She stood when she saw them. Henry kissed his mom on her cheek before exiting the car. He moves to Emma, who immediately enveloped him in a hug.

"I'm sorry that you are caught up in this kid," She whispered giving him one last squeeze before releasing him. Henry said nothing but looked back at his mom, who was still sitting in the car, staring straight ahead. He clapped his Ma on the shoulder, before heading inside because he did not want to witness this. He had already decided he was going to message Grace because he knew that she was also coming home this weekend.

Once he was in his room, he immediately berated himself for packing his laptop rather than just putting it on the seat next to him as he drove as he his moms voices made their way into his room. Because moving inside the house and not displaying all your problem to the street was far too normal for these two.

"Will you just give me a chance to explain myself?" Emma sounded like she was crying but when Regina replied it was with the worse voice in her arsenal, the cold and detached one.

"I do not see how that is necessary. After your actions last night I do not see a situation in which I will be listening to your half-baked excuses again."

"Regina, don't I'm not making excuses, but I am apologising I am sorry. Can you hear me? Sorry."

Henry began to rummage frantically in his bag for headphones anything that will stop him from having to listen to his mother's arguing.

"I hear you Emma! That's the problem I always do and like always I believe you, but I had a wonderful evening planned for us yesterday and I ended the day by almost destroying our home because of you. So I hear you, but I don't to if I can forgive you. Not just yet."

There is a deafening silence, and despite his earlier desperation not hear this discussion Henry paused realising just how important the next words out of his mothers mouths were. He opened his window, knowing that the next words spoken would float easily up to him.

"Well…" Emma spoke, "What are we going to do then?"

"I don't know dear," Regina admitted her voice had lost its cold edge, and sounds tearful.

"Okay," Emma said a sob breaking out from her lips, "I guess I'll go stay with my folks for a few days."

"That would be best I think."

Henry listened as gravel crunched, indicating that Emma was walking away from Regina. Tears fell silently down his cheeks, he did not know what had happened but he had been sure they were each other's happy ending.

That was when the screaming began.

It was not the screaming of heartbreak or sadness but the scream of terror when pain rips through you so badly you will as if your entire body is going to explode. Regina began screaming first, and Henry only just heard Emma call out to her when she began screaming herself.

He launched himself down the stairs as the agonised screams of his mother's filled the air. He jumped the last half a dozen and landed in the foyer with a heavy thud, just as the screaming came to an end.

Racing outside he discovered both of his mother's out cold on the path, their hands stretched out to one another. Their finger's not quite touching.

**A/N Don't worry I am not trying to cause you unnecessary pain and if you keep reading you will find out what Emma did, although I would love to hear your theories. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Okay, so firstly I want to say a massive thank you for reading this etc! Secondly I want to warn you that if you were wanting this fic to be less angsty then you're probably just going to have to go somewhere else. It will be worth it in the end I promise. **

**This would have been up sooner but I watched four glorious hours of tennis instead.**

* * *

"Moms!" Henry cried dropping to his knees beside them. He quickly checked their pulses and found to his relief that both their hearts were beating faintly but steadily under his fingertips. He scrambled in his pocket for his phone just as Regina's started to ring. He pulled it out of his mom's pocket and saw that it was his grandfather calling.

"Gramps!" Henry practically yelled down the phone, panic bubbled in his throat, he needed to call Whale and get him over here.

"Henry!" David sounded equally as terrified, "look I need to speak to your mom, urgently, is she there?"

"Gramps, something has happened, both of them are out cold, and I don't know what to do." Henry said frantically down the phone.

"Them too…" His granddad muttered, "Henry phone Whale and have him over to the manor and I will bring your Grandmother over."

David hung up without another word. Henry struggled to keep his breath level as he phoned Whale and told him what had happened. Whale informed Henry had he would be on his way as soon as possible, although the town had other patients to be dealing with. It had been decided long ago that issues concerning magic took top priority since the town had witnessed more than once how unchecked magic could get out of control.

David arrived just before Whale did, carrying an unconscious Snow White in his arms, although his face was determined and voice calm there was undeniable fear in his eyes. Things had been quiet for them for so long. He urged Henry to help get the unconscious women inside, lest the neighbours see anything and start to panic. There was nothing more disturbing than looking out of your window and seeing two of the most powerful women in town lying out cold in their garden. Henry hated the fact that Whale was coming to them and not the other way round, he hated seeing this. They looked so small lying on the floor but we knew his mother's would go insane if they woke up in the hospital. Regina had worked tirelessly towards fitting magic around everyday town life and had insisted that any magical incidents should be treated in the home if possible. Since Whale often could not help with magical incidents Regina thought it was better if they were treated away from the public eye – since most the magical incidents were to do with their family and they were also the resident experts in magic it made sense they would deal with it in their own home. It made sense and Henry hated it.

David moved round him and disappeared into the house, carrying Snow as if she were no weight at all. Henry stood for a few more seconds before scooping Regina into his arms and easily lifting her. She felt so slight in his arms, so small and powerless. She would hate her for him to see her like this. He passed his grandfather who was gently placing his wife down in the den and made his way carefully up the stairs, just as Regina had carried him many times when he was a child. Reaching the top of the landing. Henry entered his parents' room and gently he lowered Regina onto her side of the bed. Next to her was a picture of her were a two framed photographs; one of the three of them, taken at one of the many visits to Granny's they had taken over the years and the second was of her and Emma. He had taken it himself at their cabin last summer, they had been taking a walk together and while showing off Emma had fallen into some mud. Regina had naturally found this hilarious until Emma had pounced on her. In the photo Regina is laughing hands up, pushing Emma away, who was leaning in trying to press her mud-stained face against Regina's. Henry put this photo further forward than the other before placing a kiss on his mother's forehead and returning downstairs to collect his other mother.

He met his grandfather on the stairs with Emma in his arms. Charming's face looks older than Henry had ever seen it before, looking down on Emma he looked almost grey, worry lines etched deep into his forehead. He shook off any attempts that Henry made to help him and carried his daughter up the stairs. Henry watched as Charming laid Emma down gently next to Regina, Henry had seen them like this more times than he could count. They almost made a habit of falling asleep together, during family movies, or at Thanksgiving and Christmas. There had even been one time when Henry had found them asleep in the back garden, the remnants of a romantic picnic scattered around them.

Never had he watched them sleep and had this pit of worry sitting in his stomach. Everything would be different when they woke up, they had what was obviously a very dangerous magical problem to deal with and even if they overcame that, there was a very high chance their marriage was over. Overall this was turning out to be a terrible weekend home.

Charming placed a strong hand on his shoulder, and gave Henry a look that told him he knew exactly what Henry was going through. Which Henry knew was crap but he appreciated the sentiment anyway.

"Come on, Hen, let's wait for Whale downstairs, we're not doing them any good here."

Thankfully Whale had understood the urgency of his call ad was ringing the bell before they had even successfully managed to return down the stairs. Henry let him in and explained what had happened to the best of his knowledge, leaving out the fact that his mothers had been having a screaming match on the lawn only a minute prior. David was a lot more helpful as he and Snow had been enjoying lunch together when Snow collapsed, apparently she had been fine one minute and the next had been clutching the worktop screaming in agony, before David had been able to cross the room and get to her she had collapsed just like Henry's parents.

Whale went upstairs to check on Regina and Emma first since magically there were the most powerful and Henry and David went to the kitchen to wait. Henry flinched when he saw the mess of the kitchen, which was only in a slightly better state than it had been when he had arrived this morning, however, he was able to satisfy David with an explanation of a magical mishap and he was too distracted by his worry that he never questioned it. They both busied themselves with tidying and resisted talking about what had happened until Whale came downstairs and confirmed that physically all the women seemed to be fine. He recommended that they kept an eye on them and if there was no improvement they should be admitted to hospital tomorrow morning. With no further fanfare he left.

"Are you worried?" Henry asked as they watched Whale drive away, it was a stupid question but Henry no longer felt like an adult and he just wanted to be comforted by his grandfather.

"Of course not kid." David replied with a shoulder bump and a smile that did not reach his eyes. "These are the most formidable women I have ever met. They eat this kind of thing for breakfast."

Henry wished it believed it.

[xx]

It was dark when Regina woke and every bone in her body ached as if she's come out the bad end of a fight. Blinking against the darkness she is able to make out the outline of her wife lying next to her, eyes watching Regina's return to consciousness.

"Hey," She whispered softly, Regina feels a cool hand touch her cheek and does not move away.

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?" Regina groaned in reply, causing Emma to chuckle.

"Yeah me too." She said her fingers tracing the Regina's jawline. "I think that we have a mess to clean up."

"We have more than one." Regina replied shutting her eyes against the tears that are already springing up in them. She heard Emma swear and the fingers still against her cheek.

"Can we pretend?" Emma choked out, and Regina did not have to open her eyes to know they she was not the only one crying. "Just for a moment, I was so scared Regina…I thought…" She trailed off unable to vocalise what she thought. That for a moment she was not only facing a life without Regina but a world without her.

By this point tears where tracking unfettered down Regina's cheeks, stopping only when they came into contact with Emma's hand. She nodded against that hand, just for a moment she needed to be with her wife and she needed to know that they were both alive. She felt Emma's lips press softly against her own, not demanding which was often Emma's way but tentative. Regina threaded a hand through blonde hair and held her close, revelling in all that it was to be close to Emma and to know that Emma loved her. For a moment that was enough.

She broke the kiss before it could go any further, and pressed her forehead against Emma. It is then that Emma truly begins to cry it choking sobs that cut Regina's heart to the very core.

"Sshh my darling," She whispered peppering kisses on wet cheeks, "do not cry for us yet. Right now we are fine."

"But it's pretend."

Regina pulled Emma impossibly closer, threading them together in a familiar tangle of arms and legs.

"It's real for now." She whispered, closing her eyes and letting the exhaustion overtake her again.

They lie like that, asleep in each other's arms for another few hours until the sound of Henry checking on them pulls them from their slumber. Then they reluctantly untangle from one another. As they rise from the bed to face whatever is before them, they share a lingering glance. The time for pretending is over.

David and Snow are sitting at the dining table rather than in the kitchen when they come down stairs, both are clutching mugs of coffee and sporting identical grim expressions.

"Coffee," Emma grunted and moved to take a detour to the kitchen, but Regina placed a hand on her arm and shook her head. Those were her parents and she needed to assure them that she was fine, Regina herself disappeared behind the door. Emma watched her go willing her for to turn back but Regina did not.

Both her parents jumped to her feet when she came in and enveloped her in a crushing hug.

"You gave us all a fright." David muttered, he held at arm's length so that he could examine her properly. "You all did. Where is Regina?"

"Getting coffee, we're both feeling a little tired, what happened?" She sat at the table, noticing that her parents automatically left a seat next to her for Regina, because Regina was never far from her side. David repeated the story that he had told Whale, and added how Henry had phoned him that they had basically been waiting for hours for her and Regina to wake since Snow woke a few hours ago.

"So…who would want to hurt us?" Emma asked with a wry chuckle, things had been peaceful in Storybrooke for a long time now, but that did not change the fact that if anything was to happen it would be to their family. They were undoubtedly the most powerful family in Storybrooke.

"I think the question is why," Henry spoke up, Emma frowned at him so he shrugged and clarified. "Well there are three reasons, firstly it could be because of who you are. Mom is the Mayor and the most powerful magical practitioner in the realm. Ma is the sheriff, a true love baby and the Saviour. Then there is grams, Snow White, the White Queen and head of the royals' council. So the fact that you're all related could be irrelevant. Or it could be a family attack but then why not take out Gramps and I as well. Lastly it could be the barrier, perhaps someone is trying to weaken it or take it down because that would definitely affect you guys."

Emma gaped at Henry, when did her boy so smart? He definitely did not get that off of her. Her parents beamed at him as if they had anything to do with how smart he was.

"So how do we narrow it down then?" She asked, when she felt they had embarrassed him enough.

"Easy," This was Regina announcing her entrance, placing a mug down on the coaster in front of Emma before sliding gracefully into the seat beside her. "We phone the mutt."

Emma flinched noticeably at Regina's choice of words.

"_Regina…." _Snow said reproachfully giving Regina a dark look which the other woman completely ignored. Instead she rose from her seat and left the room returning a moment later with her phone which she placed in front of Emma with an air of challenge. Emma looked at the phone but did not move to take it, Regina smirked for a few moments before leaning over the pick up the phone.

"Fine, I'll do it myself." Before she could Emma grabbed her wrist stilling any movement.

"She won't answer if you call." Emma muttered, focussing her attention onto the polished wood of the table. Regina really did have a flair of the dramatic, which was enjoyable when it didn't include her.

"And if you call?" Regina's smirk grew as she watched shame color Emma's features, she knew she should feel bad and she will but those emotions where for later.

"Mom." Henry snapped pulling both their focus back to the table, he looked furious. "You –" He pointed at Regina, "-give the phone to Grams, she'll call, and please cut it out, we're all tired. And you –" This time he indicated at Emma, "come with me."

In other circumstances he would have never gotten away with speaking to either of his mothers like that but the last 12 hours had probably put more strain on him than he had been under since Neverland and he could not have them adding kindling to it.

Emma rose silently, and followed Henry to Regina's study. She turned as she reached the doorway to see Regina handing the phone over to Snow, already apologising for her actions, citing that it had been a long day and emotions were running high. They understood of course.

Henry rounded on her the second the door was closed behind her. He towered over her now and she had to admit he was intimidating when he was so angry.

"What did you do?" He hissed out, his eyes flashing.

"Hen…" She replied softly, "you're our son, it's not your job to fix our mess."

"No, it's not and for the record I'm pretty sure that's the reason mom wouldn't tell me why you fought but here's the deal. A lot has happened today, you are mom are falling apart and for some reason you're collapsing and screaming in pain, and basically it's all a pile of shit. So screw the fact that I'm your son, I need to understand just a small part of what's going on right now because I am going crazy."

He screwed up his face then, pushing a clenched fist into his eye to stop himself from breaking down. When he looked at Emma again she knew that she was not going to be able to get out of this. So she crossed the room and sat down, he took the seat opposite her. She did not want to do this, because once she did Regina would not be the only person in the house that looked at her like they had never seen her before.

[xx]

_On hindsight Emma realised that she had been spoiling for a fight before she had even gotten home that day and it was not a surprise to her that Regina had given it to her. The woman could never back down from a challenge. Besides Emma had known that Regina had a nice evening planned for them because things had been a bit tough and Regina was the one out of them who always needed to wipe the slate clean every once in a while. _

_Still Emma had argued that it was not her fault that Ruby and Whale had broken up again, it was her job as a friend to make sure Ruby was okay. Regina would do the same in a heartbeat if it were Kathryn and Fredrick who had broken up. To which Regina had answered that at least then they would know it was genuine because her friends had some emotional maturity and didn't break up every full moon. Just because that was true did not mean that Emma could just abandon her, Ruby had been distraught on the phone. So she had kissed a stony cheek and left, without even promising to make it up to her. _

_She had then proceeded to go and get absolutely wrecked with Ruby, and they had complained in length about their partners. How Whale was an absolute sleaze. How Regina was a control freak and let's be honest, prone to manipulation. _

_The bartender had tipped them out at closing time, and warned them to look after themselves, and they had begun a slow stumble back to the diner. What Emma did not know was that the second they had left, the bartender had placed a concerned phone call to Regina who had assured him that she would collect them and ensure that they made it home safely. This was not the first time that phone call had been made, but it was the first time that Emma hadn't asked for it herself._

_"You know what?" Ruby had announced when they finally made it to the diner, instead of letting themselves in and facing the wraith of Granny she planted herself on one of the benches. Emma sat beside her without any hesitation. _

_"What?" Emma had asked dramatically leaning her head on Ruby's shoulder. _

_"We should give them a taste of their own medicine. Regina has got to learn that she can't control every moment of your life and Victor…well he's got to learn that he should expect to be treated the way that he treats me." _

_"So what are we going to do?" Emma asked using a beyond human effort to lift her head off of Ruby's shoulder so that she could look her friend in the eye. Ruby kissed her then and Emma knew she should have seen it coming but she didn't. Instead of pulling away she just froze completely. It had been years since she had even thought about kissing anybody who wasn't Regina. Ruby pulled back, already looking apologetic and it was Emma who closed the gap again. Things with Regina were tough, it was one of the downfalls of them both being so strong-willed. This was stupid but it was easy. _

_Ruby did not pull away, not when Emma's tongue parted her lips or when a hand threaded itself into brown hair. If anything she pulled Emma closer. Emma's hand had inched itself over Ruby's body until it had reached her breasts, she gave them a firm squeeze causing Ruby to whine softly into Emma's mouth. It was then Emma pulled away, because that sound was so not Regina and all the reasons she wanted it to be Regina flooded back to her. _

_"Shit!" She exclaimed scrambling back away from her friend so fast she landed on the ground. She had forgotten about Regina for one moment of craziness and now it was all coming back to her. The way Regina made her feel, looked after her, loved her. She had forgotten for one moment but she knew that Regina would not have forgotten about her, and Regina always picked her up after a nights drinking. _

_"Shit!" She exclaimed again looking around her frantically but seeing no one. Without another word or glance to Ruby she took off down the street, stumbling every step of the way. By time she got home, she was already half-blinded with tears and she already knew without a shadow of a doubt that Regina knew exactly what had happened. _

[xx]

"Jesus," Henry breathed when Emma finished telling him as much of the story as she could without damaging him for life or turning him against her forever. They were both crying, but Emma watched Henry silently pleading for him to look up and not look at her like she was a monster. Which, thank god he did.

"Hen, I messed up bad but it's between your mom and me. You can't fix it for us. We can't put you through that." After a moment of looking like he was going to argue Henry nodded.

Just then there was a knock at the door, and Snow cautiously popped her head round the corner.

"We managed to get a hold of Ruby and we think she might be stuck at the other side of the barrier for some reason. Regina suggested David and I take Henry to the town line and see if we can find her, while the two of you stay here. Since you were hit harder by whatever happened and can also do some magical research." Henry looked at his mom for a moment as if trying to decide if he should argue and stay here with them. Her earlier words hung in the air around them though and after a moment's hesitation he nodded and followed his grandmother out of the door.

Emma sat where she was until she heard the front door slam behind the leaving party, even then she just stood at paced the room. She knew that Regina had to come to her, this had to be on Regina's terms but Regina had always made her wait. She chewed at the skin by her thumb nail until it bled, when she had walked down the aisle she had been so sure what they had was forever. Never would she have thought that she would have messed it up so badly, one mistake, one moment of lapsed judgement and it just happened that she mistake she made was not the kind that could be fixed by a simple apology.

Twenty minutes passed before Regina finally came through the door, her eyes fixed on the clock behind Emma's head rather than Emma herself. Her eyes already red-rimmed from tears that broke Emma's heart because she knew she was the one to put them there.

Finally Regina looked at her. "Hey."

**A/N So I have tried to be as sympathetic as possible to Emma without actually condoning what she has done. It was a bad thing, and she knows it. This has been really difficult to write and I hope it came across okay. **


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey."

Emma smiled sadly, ever since Neverland they had spoken that word to each other more times than would have ever been necessary in an ordinary relationship. It had become their thing, their answer in a world overwhelmed by always and forevers.

Regina took a deep breath and exhaled slowly through her mouth before wiping her tears away with a heavy hand.

"Obviously we have a problem with the barrier, now I've pulled out the books on magical barriers for us to research, however, we are obviously both incredibly tired and I over-exerted myself in regards to magic yesterday so it's not the prime time for research. We also have a problem as within my knowledge there has never been a barrier like ours created –"

"I love you." Emma blurted out before Regina could continue. Regina frowned, she hated being interrupted when she was thinking out loud.

"I love you too." Regina replied automatically as she began to pace. "The barrier is designed to protect from evil intent but allow us to have freedom. In order to do that we had to tie it to ourselves in order to give it intuition. From what we know it is only the people who were tied to the barrier that were affected by what happened earlier, so course we don't yet know about Miss Lucas but we can make an educated guess…"

"Regina!" Emma interrupted, this time Regina jerked a little as she was pulled from her thoughts, "Christ I thought that the reason you wanted everybody out was so that we could talk, or you know so that you could kill me and hide the body before they came back." Emma smiled weakly at her own joke but the gesture was not returned by Regina.

"I want to figure out what is wrong with the barrier, we are meant to know if somebody wishes the town harm. It is not meant to nearly kill us." Regina answered curtly, "I do not want to talk about anything else at this moment."

"You're kidding me right?" Emma asked leaning heavily against the wall she was standing next to. The whole time they had been in the room together Regina had not moved into the same half of the room as her. "Regina Let's-Go-To-Therapy-And-Talk-About-Everything Swan-Mills, doesn't want to talk about something? Surely you can see why this is a concern?"

Regina threw her hands up in the air in exasperation, "Well since you refused to come to a single therapy session with Archie, you would have no idea what I actually need to speak about."

"So you want to go to therapy over this? We could do that, even though it's weird that you call your therapist by his first name and pet-sit for him when he's out of town."

That caused Regina to growl, making Regina angrier had not been her intention when starting this conversation, but it had just been the way things had gone recently.

"No. I do not want to go to therapy about last night. I want to understand what is going on with the town barrier." Regina bit out slowly, obviously using an incredible amount of self-control just to stop herself from exploding. As it stood the vein in her forehead was pulsing dangerously.

"And what do you think is going to happen when my parents arrive back. They are going to bring Ruby here. How are you going to handle that?" Emma pressed taking a step forward, and then another until she was within touching distance of Regina. The other woman was shaking with effort, but whether that effort was to stop her hitting Emma or to stop her crying Emma had no clue.

"What is it you want from me?" Regina whispered, ducking her chin so she would not have to look directly at Emma, "do you want me to scream and shout again? Do you want me to blame you for all of this? Do you want me to say that I hate you? Do you want me to punish you?"

Her voice cracked again, but Regina held it together. Emma had always marvelled at the extreme amounts of self-control Regina could demonstrate when it was needed. Once early in their relationship, Regina had whispered that Emma was the only person who had managed to break through her self-control, the only one that she had not been able to resist going back too.

"Yes." Emma answered honestly, "I want you to punish me. I deserve it."

Regina shook her head and stepped around Emma walking into the centre of the room. "Archie always tells me to work on the things that I can fix and create small manageable goals. At the moment, I can deal with the barrier issue. I can fix that."

There is a moment of silence where these words just hang in the air.

"Is that why you let us pretend earlier?" Emma asked, the pieces finally falling into place. "Because you think this is broken beyond compare?"

"I don't want to talk about this right now."

"I need too," The fight left her, she sat on the floor where she was sitting and held her head in her hands. "It was just a moment I swear, I love you and I will never even so much as speak to another person if that's what it takes. It didn't mean anything."

Regina wanted nothing more than to go to Emma and comfort her, but she held herself back.

"If it did not mean anything you would not have done it." Emma made a noise of protest but Regina carried on as if she had not heard. "It may not have meant anything romantically. You were drunk, we agree that Miss Lucas is an incredibly attractive young woman and she was offering herself to you. Am I furious about it? Absolutely. I cannot close my eyes without seeing your hand climbing up that hussy's shirt. A year ago, however, faced with the exact same situation we both know you would have made a different decision. I think your actions last night are indicative of the state of our relationship but not the sole cause. Am I wrong? I want to blame you, but I have been far from blameless lately."

She is met with silence, Emma is staring at the floor as if struck dumb. She offered no words of contradiction. After a few moments Regina nodded even though Emma was not looking at her.

"Right, I will make some fresh coffee and begin dealing with this barrier situation. If you are feeling up to it, you are welcome to join me, but I am not capable of talking about where we stand just now."

With that she moved to walk round Emma, but a hand shot up and grabbed her wrist as she neared the door. Instinctually she allowed herself to be pulled to the floor, so that she was sat facing Emma, even though the blonde was still not looking at her.

"You still love me?" Emma asked, her voice betraying all the hurt and pain that was threatening to suffocate her.

"I have loved you since the day you pulled Henry out of the mine and I intend to keep loving you for a long time."

"I still love you."

"I know."

Emma laced their fingers together and let their hands lie in the space between them. Both women focussed on those instead of on each other's faces.

"We've been hurting each other for a long time now." Emma said quietly, and Regina did not answer because it was true. The unexamined envelope of forms in her office drawer was testament to that.

"Do we have the strength to try again?" This question for some reason was the one that broke Regina, and a choked sob fell from her lips as she felt Emma's grip tighten.

"If we try…" She said haltingly "and we are not strong enough. Then I for one will not be able to deal with it. Henry is away from home, there would be nothing to keep me anchored. Every day is still a struggle for me even now. The thought of not being with you in like a dagger to my heart and it makes me want to watch the world burn, but I will not do that. I have some strength left."

"And if we try again and fail, you won't have any left?"

"Would you?"

Emma shook her head. Then all of a sudden Regina pulled her hand from her grip and placed a hand on her shoulder, not in comfort but as if she were holding herself steady. A pained growl broke through her lips as the tears she was already shedding fell into Emma's lap.

"Regina?" Emma's voice was full of concern and she laced a hand through Regina's hair angling her head so they were looking a one another.

Regina grimaced, "it's happening again…"

Then she screamed.

[xx]

_One morning Emma had woken up to find the sun streaming in through the open curtains and the other side of the bed empty. This was not unusual, even on a Saturday. Regina often had a very special way of waking her up but when she didn't she would go about her day waiting for Emma to finally rise from their bed. _

_When she had finally stumbled out of bed, and left the room in search of coffee. The smell of pancakes met her. As she closed in on the kitchen she could hear the sound of Henry's laughter and Regina's melodious voice singing with enthusiasm. _

_Emma had hoped to slip into the room without being noticed, but she came in just as Regina turned round, instantly catching her eye. _

_Regina laughed when she saw the look on her wife's face and made her way over to her, continuing to sing. _

_"You came into my crazy world like a cool and cleansing wave.  
Before I knew what hit me baby you were flowing through my veins" _

_She had reached Emma and placed her hands on her hips using them to guide Emma in time with the music as she herself moved her body against the blondes'. Husking the words into Emma's ear as they moved together. _

_"I'm addicted to you,  
Hooked on your love,  
Like a powerful drug  
I can't get enough of,  
Lost in your eyes,  
Drowning in blue  
Out of control,  
What can I do?  
I'm addicted to you."_

_She reached the notes effortlessly, and dramatically pushed herself away as she reached the end of the chorus. This gave Emma the chance to grab her and spin her in. Placing a kiss on surprise-parted lips._

_"I'm addicted to you too." She had whispered in Regina's ear, surreptitiously nibbling on the lobe and feeling Regina tremble beneath her. Suddenly the music and cut off and both women spun round. Henry was stood with his face screwed up. _

_"Gross Ma, you totally ruined the moment." _

_Emma shrugged, keeping eye contact with Regina. _

_"Totally worth it." _

[xx]

This time they woke in the same position as they had fallen unconscious in. With Regina slumped heavily against Emma, and Emma's legs twisted awkwardly underneath her.

"Moms!" Henry shouted.

"In here dear," Regina croaked her voice hoarse because of all the abuse that it had been exposed to in the last 24 hours. Despite the deep throbbing in her head, she pushed herself off of Emma and slumped against the closest wall. Queenly pride be damned, her body had been through hell.

It only took seconds for Henry to burst through, panting. He looked Regina and Emma over and once he had assured himself that they were both alive he let out a frustrated cry and kicked the coffee table.

"Henry…" Regina chided with as much strength as she could muster.

"You're one to talk about respecting our things." Henry replied tersely flopping himself down in the closest chair, and dropping his head into his hands.

"I can't keep doing this." He muttered.

"You're not the only one." Emma grimaced, sitting herself up so she is leant against the sofa opposite Henry. "Where are my parents?"

"Gramps in helping Grams in, she went down again."

Sure enough, moments later Snow and Charming entered the room, David had his hand round his wife's waist holding her steady. He slowly lowered her to the sofa Emma was leaning on, and sitting next to her.

"The blackout period for that one was shorter." Snow noted, both Emma and Regina grimaced. "but it was no less painful."

"Where is Miss Lucas?" Regina asked, Emma was impressed, if it were not for her catty outburst in the dining room earlier nobody would be likely to guess that the next time Regina met Ruby she was likely to rip her face off.

"Get this," Henry said lifting his head to look his mother in the eye. "She really is stuck on the other side of the barrier, we saw her and could speak to her but we couldn't actually cross over and neither could she."

"Did she go down?" Regina asked, straightening herself up a little with a grimace. Henry shook his head.

"No it was really weird, she was what was happening and was screaming asking what was happening but she couldn't feel anything herself."

"It's not that weird." Regina mused out loud. "One of the reasons we split the pressure of the barrier our ways was that the magic ties us to it. Splitting the strain also meant that as long as we didn't all leave at once, the barrier guardians were free to leave Storybrooke. As we know magic doesn't exist on the outside world. So it makes sense that Miss Lucas did not feel the effects on whatever in happening inside Storybrooke."

Everybody took a moment for that to sink in before Henry speaks again.

"Not to make it all about me or anything but college hardly accepts magical mishaps as a reason for absence."

Emma and Regina both smile appreciatively even though the action hurts their heads. Suddenly Henry jumps to his feet. Causing everybody else to raise their heads as if expecting something threatening to come flying through the window.

"Grace was meant to be coming home today, I have to call her and see if she is alright!" He said because hurrying from the room.

"So do you have any idea what is causing this?" David asked, after a moment ringing his hands. He had wanted to shoulder some of the barrier as well, but Regina had found absolutely no magic within him and she could not make it stick to someone so unmagical. They had fought about it for weeks, and it had made Snow and Emma want to pull her hair from their heads. In the end it had been decided that they would split it between Regina, Emma, Ruby and Snow. Between them they shouldered the burden well enough that they did not notice it in their day to day lives. Still it was obvious that David felt guilt over not being able to shoulder some of the task.

"I have a few theories; the magic surrounding the barrier is of my own creation so we do not know everything about it. For now however, I am barely capable of standing so I need rest. I advise that the two of you stay here just in case."

The Charming's nod in agreement, and slowly all four occupants of the room rise from their positions. As before David loops an arm around Snow and leads her gently from the room, he is followed by his daughter and her wife. The women move slowly up the stairs, each aware of the strain their bodies have been through recently, and how much every little movement hurts. None quite as slow as Regina is was also competing with the strain over her over-exertion from the night before. Which means Emma has already left Henry's room when she reaches it to say goodnight, the boy barely looked up from his phone call with Grace. David and Snow had already disappeared into a spare bedroom that they have used several times before. Which leaves her no other choice but to follow her wife into the bedroom. Emma had somehow already changed and laid out Regina's pyjamas for her and is stood her front of their mirror, brushing the tugs out of her hair.

"So you're sleeping in here then?" Regina asked her voice leaving it obvious that she did not want that to be the case.

Emma shrugged, "if you want my parents to know we've having problems, then you can change the sleeping arrangements."

Regina growled and snatched her pyjamas from the bed, deciding that using the bathroom to change will be the only victory that she will be able to achieve today.

Eventually both women are lying in bed, on their backs staring at the ceiling. Despite the exhaustion they both feel in their bones, neither have been able to get a moments sleep, in the time that has passed since they lay down.

"You said you had some theories about the barrier?" Emma asked eventually, propping herself up on her elbow so she could look at Regina.

"They are half-baked I'll tell you when I've got something concrete."

Emma grumbled and flopped back down onto the bed. "I hate it when you do that."

Regina remained perfectly still, staring up into the ceiling. "I hate it when you kiss other women."

If she had been looking at Emma she would have been able to see the fight go straight out of her, but as it was she knew Emma well enough so that she could feel it without seeing it.

"You're never going to forgive me are you?" Emma whispered into the darkness. Regina twisted her hands on her stomach for a moment before answering.

"You forgave me for being the Evil Queen and for ruining your childhood. Which is more than I ever deserved. The least I can do is try to forgive you for this, I am still furious though." What she did not add was that she had always felt that Emma was a better person than her for being able to forgive so readily. It had taken her over three decades to forgive Snow for what happened to Daniel, and it had not even been entirely Snow's fault. She wanted to forgive Emma, and perhaps that would make all the difference. Perhaps Emma truly was a better person than her.

Neither woman spoke for the longest time, until the tendrils of sleep where finally overcoming Regina, it was then that Emma spoke. Clearly believing that her wife was asleep.

"I will always love you 'Gina, even if you choose to spend the rest of your life hating me. You deserve to be loved far better than I have loved you. I will hate myself for what I did to you for the rest of my life."

With that the blonde rolled over and fell asleep.


End file.
